I'm discovering that it is far more profitable to take others' words in than to let my own out.

Feelings

Today is one of those days that just doesn't feel at all like any particular day. I'm fairly certain that it is Tuesday, but if my computer wasn't telling me that right now, I don't think I'd really bet on it. Some days just seem to exist like this, nothing really makes them special, but they also don't fit the mold of the weekly routine. I went to all my classes and everything, but today just didn't have that typical Tuesday feeling. I think it's really interesting, that feeling that things have. Thinking about how today lacks any sense of that Tuesday feeling has got me thinking about all kinds of feelings and how sometimes they can be really fascinating. Like that new semester feeling that you can never get back after the first few days of classes. Or the last day of school feeling that isn't even there on the second to last day. Or the feeling of summer that sometimes makes guest appearances on exceptionally fair spring afternoons. Or the driving to church feeling that tends to be more anxious than it ought to be, whether you're too early or too late. Or the feeling of holding someone's hand for the first time that makes you nervous in a way that refuses to come back. Or the feeling of reading an old book, especially if you're sitting in an old chair and reading by incandescent, non-fluorescent light. Thinking about it now, it seems like almost everything has a special sort of feeling to it. Even sitting here at my desk under my bed, typing away on my laptop in the terrible lighting with headphones in. It's a fairly familiar feeling, but it's a definite feeling nonetheless. For the most part, I don't know if any of this matters at all. But, part of me thinks that these feelings are worth embracing and enjoying and experiencing fully, regardless of how frequent or infrequent they are. I may have been reminded tonight that all is vanity, but I was also reminded that all things, whether eating or drinking or toil or anything, are gifts from God.

talking to adults

I was listening to a podcast from public radio's "This American Life" (thanks to John King for the recommendation) and there was a segment about talking to adults. It caught my attention right away, since I'm super shy around adults. For some reason I've just always felt intimidated when trying to talk to anyone more than 10 years older than me, even when they're someone who I know fairly well. The woman telling her story about talking to adults was entirely different from me in this respect, because she loved talking to adults. One of the adults she loved talking to was her psycho-analyst, and that's where I felt like we were exactly the same. I don't have a psycho-analyst or anything like that, but her reasons for enjoying talking to hers were sentiments i share exactly. She said she liked feeling like she was on a talk show, feeling like people (or at least a person) were hanging on her every word and truly caring about her thoughts and feelings. I don't think her and I are unique in that feeling. In fact, I think almost everyone, at least in the culture I know, shares in the desire to be listened to and cared about. It's what leads to blogs and songs and facebook and twitter and relationships and even prayer, and I really think it's beautiful. It can be kind of ugly when it's self-centered and prideful and one-sided, sure. But when it turns into relationships and people knowing each other closely and people opening their hearts to be known by God, it's beautiful. Wanting to be known indicates a desire for community, and community is one of the things that I find life to be most worth living for.

What's up?

I think it's kind of funny that the two most common replies to "What's up?" seem to be "Nothing" and "What's up?"

Priceless

I figured if I'm growing my hair out this year, I should post a picture while it's still January. Plus, I was enjoying this moment so much, kicking back in our new recliner, enjoying thursday night with the roommates, I thought it deserved a picture to capture the moment. And since I just mentioned the recliner, which was purchased last weekend at the ReStore for $14, I would also like to add that I am infatuated with the record player we got the same day for $15. And the bass guitar I got for $100. It was definitely a good weekend of buys. And this kind of sounds like a MasterCard commercial, so I'm done now.

wasting time complaining

i do not understand how people live actual busy lives.
i have classes, a job where i can do my homework, a job once a week where i can't, and i find it hard to do anywhere near as much as i'd like to.
i've heard before that people tend to find more time for more things when they're busier, and i think that might be true. i feel like i was more productive last semester when i had more classes.
there are just so many things that can be done. spending time with friends, spending time with a girlfriend, exercising, reading, writing, homework, listening to music, trying to play music, eating, drinking, sleeping. and those are just the things i'd like to do every day, not to mention things to do on special occasions or every so often or weekly or whatnot.
i suppose it's better to make the best of time all the time instead of complaining though.

less mixed than i though

i am not excited to start waking up early for classes
i am excited to start learning and working again
i just realized that the concept i was planning for this post has already failed, because i can't really think of anything else about school that i'm not excited about.
i am excited to live a short walk away from two libraries
i am excited to see my roommates
i am excited to see my friends
i am excited to live close to my girl
i am excited to see her every day
oh, i suppose i'm not super excited about writing papers
i am excited to actually use the wellness center this semester
i am excited to eat meals with friends
i am really excited to be going back to school.